When I was young...
Once when...
I remember...
When I was young I
remember once...
I am an aging woman
A woman of my age
I know my age, not
only in my body
skin thinning, separating from
bone
but in my attitudes,
expectations, biases, fears
I fear my increasing
vulnerability
My body once so sure,
secure
is no longer
My body once had the
energy of...
now it tries, but it
knows better
I fear my mind is
separating from my head
No longer content with
the present, the mundane
it yearns for
something more
reaching
for....return?
Return to what?
My mind and body are
aging together
acknowledging scars,
memories...of an ordinary life
putting them to rest
preparing...
Yet my
heart...spirit...
it still dreams,
hopes, yearns
for life!
In my 50th year I am
entering my leavetaking
That period where the
world is moving too fast
changing too quickly
I can no longer keep
up
I no longer want to
keep up
I see the same play,
different players
the circle goes round
and round
And though my white
skin reminds me of the sins of my fathers
I see those same sins
in all peoples, all colours, all ages
And I am beginning to
wonder what it means to be human.
I now know why those
further along than me
sit and watch in
bewilderment
or withdraw
it’s not that they
don’t understand
they understand too
well...
and why they and I are
increasingly drawn to young children or nature
to imagine...
to touch...
a time before, a time
when...
I no longer want to see the world of mass images that lie and confront and hold
promises that can
never be fulfilled,
so that I am never
content,
and in the end no
longer trust, or feel, or hope.
I want something more.
But I am an aging
woman
in her 50th year
In my 50th year,
I want to be whole.
In my 50th year,
I want...
Written and performed by A. Maie
at The Performance Space, Wednesday 16th July, 1997
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